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CABIN FEVER

Gettin’ Down on the Mountain

When the oil stops, everything stops, nothin’ left in the fountain
Nobody wants paper money, son, so you just as well stop countin’
Can you break the horse, can you light the fire?
What’s that, I beg your pardon?
You’d best start thinkin’ where your food comes from and I hope you tend a good garden

Gettin’ down on the mountain, gettin’ down on the mountain
Don’t wanna be around when the shit goes down
I’ll be gettin’ down on the mountain, goin’ to ground on the mountain

When the trucks don’t run, the bread won’t come, have a hard time findin’ petrol
Water ain’t runnin’ in the city no more, do you hold any precious metal?
Can you gut the fish, can you read the sky?
What’s that about overcrowdin’?
You ever seen a man who’s kids ain’t ate for seventeen days and countin’?

There ain’t no heat and the power’s gone out, it’s kerosene lamps and candles
The roads are blocked, it’s all gridlocked, you got a shortwave handle?
Can you track the deer, can you dig the well?
I couldn’t quite hear your answer
I think I see a rip in the social fabric, Brother can you pass the ammo?
I think I see a rip in the social fabric, Brother can you spare some ammo?

Dig Gravedigger Dig

Dig, dig, Gravedigger
Dig, Gravedigger, dig
Work that shovel with vigor, Gravedigger
Before rigor mortis sets in, dig

Dig, dig, Gravedigger
Dig, Gravedigger, dig
That big old hole just keeps gettin’ bigger
So dig, Gravedigger, dig

He don’t mind the cadavers, he don’t mind human remains
He got no problem sleepin’ at night, ain’t nothin’ a little whiskey won’t tame
I asked about ghosts and spirits, I asked him if he ever got spooked
I asked him if he ever gets haunted by souls, but he reckons that he buries them, too
Nah, he ain’t bothered by corpses, hell, he’ll plant stiffs all day
See, he’s on a some kinda piecework deal, he gets paid by the grave

He could be makin’ more money, he could be out workin’ the rigs
But he says he don’t really like no company, he says he’d rather just dig
Gravedigger, he got secrets, he told me as he lit up a cig
He says you gotta watch you don’t badger the hole when you’re cutting through the roots and the twigs
He’ll work right through in the darkness, then he’ll stop and he’ll take him a swig
Drive by the right time of the night you might find him in the moonlight doin’ a jig

Bible On The Dash

A two night stand in Tulsa, pullin’ out and headed west
Brady grabbed the Gideon’s from the hotel in the desk
We said ‘What’s the matter, brother, are you worried about your soul?’
He said ‘Better safe than sorry, boys, that’s just how I roll’
We hit the road feelin’ cool as Crosby, Stills and Nash
Overflowin’ with the spirit and the bible on the dash

We pulled the whole rig over for the flashin’ reds and blues
Police come to the window and we said ‘Have you heard the news?’
He said ‘Don’t get smart with me, boy, why you doin’ ninety-five?’
My foot is heavy with redemption, I’m just blessed to be alive
He said ‘I oughta pull you out of there and beat you black and blue’
I placed my hand upon the good book and said ‘What would Jesus do?’

It’s better than insurance, registration or lyin’
It’s better than these fake IDs I keep on buyin’
It’s even better than an envelope stuffed with cash
They always said it’d save me, that old bible on the dash

He said, ‘Round these parts that hair alone will make probable cause
When you’re movin’ through my county you’ll obey my earthly laws’
We did our best to quote some holy writ, chapter and verse
‘What kind of music y’alls make? And we said ‘Christian music, sir’
He contemplated, thought about it, twitched his cop moustache
‘Alright you boys be careful now, just don’t drive quite so fast’

Crossin’ at the border a few months later we heard ‘Freeze!
Pull in over there, son, we’re gonna do some search and seize’
Maybe if we’d been more famous, he’d have said ‘Just move along’
If he’d have seen us on the TV, or if we’d had hit single songs
He’s just about to ask us ‘Where’s the money, guns and hash?’
I was prayin’ it’d save me, that old bible on the dash

His hand was on his pistol and his dog was on his leash
That shephard, he was keepin’ a pretty close eye on his sheep
‘We got a list we’re gonna look at to see if we can’t find your names
Got us some parabolic laser beams that hear everything you say
We got ultraviolet x-rays that can see right through your bus’
Yes sir, well I hope the good Lord keeps an eye on all of us, uh-huh

It’s better than a green card, it’s better than lyin’
It’s better than these work visas I have to keep buyin’
It’s even better than an envelope stuffed with cash
Lord, I’m at the border with the bible on the dash

September

Stay with me through September
Summer didn’t last
And there ain’t nobody in New York City
Could need you half as bad

Stay with me through September
The nights are gettin’ cold
Old Man Winter’s gonna be here soon
And the cattle still ain’t sold

Stay with me through September
Yeah, I know there ain’t much to do
And I guess I did my share of starving in the city
I was young once too

I can picture how youre livin’
In a tiny fourth floor flat
There’s times that a thousand acres and the Rocky Mountains
Can’t compete with that

Ooo, ooo

Stay with me through September
I know the flight’s already booked
But I couldn’t let you go and leave it like this
Without giving it a second look

Stay with me through September
I know the pace is kinda slow
And there ain’t much glamour on the old back quarter
Babe, I guess I gotta let you go

I can picture how youre livin’
In a Lower East Side flat
Guess there’s times that a thousand acres and the Rocky Mountains
Can’t compete with that

Ooo, ooo

Mein Deutsches Motorrad

I’m makin’ ninety miles an hour on my German motorcycle
I’m makin’ ninety miles an hour like the bullet from a rifle
I’m makin’ ninety miles an hour got pulled over by a vice cop
I pay the ticket that he give me then I park it on the sidewalk

I’m makin’ ninety miles an hour and I drive it like it’s stolen
I’m makin’ ninety miles an hour like i’m blitzing into Poland
Purrin’ like the motor in a triple decker Fokker
I’m makin’ ninety miles an hour and I drive her like I stole her

Ooo, she like to run, baby eat up the miles
Ooo, she gonna do it in Bavarian style
Ooo, she like to run, blonde hair and blue eyes
Open up the throttle, baby, wide, wide, wide

I’m makin’ ninety miles an hour on my German motorcycle
I’m makin’ ninety miles an hour and she’s chafin’ at the bridle
I’m makin’ ninety miles an hour on my sexy Munich eyeful
I’m makin’ ninety miles an hour on my German motorcycle

I’m makin’ ninety miles an hour on my German motorcyle
Hurt a little less with every mile west that I go
Makin’ ninety mile an hour on the Yellowhead to Jasper
There’s a girl I wanna marry there, I think I’m gonna ask her

Cows Around

Everything is better with some cows around
Living in town sometimes brings me down
Let me bestow this western blessing and share what i have found
May you always have cows around

What else you gonna spend that extra money on
What else is gonna get you up hours before dawn
What else is gonna keep you toiling on and on and on
May you always have cows around

Come on, you know that you got too much time on your hands
And not nearly enough complication in your plans
You need to embrace all of the frustration that you can
May you always have cows around

What else is gonna make your pony puff and wheeze
Or make you calve ‘em out at below forty degrees
What else is gonna eat you right completely out of feed
May you always have cows around

Everything is better with some cows around
Living in town sometimes brings me down
Let me bestow this western blessing and leave you cattle bound
May you always have cows around

What else could make a bishop swear like a sailor might
What else could cause such tension between a man and his wife
What else could ever bring all these enhancements to your life
May you always have cows around

What else is gonna get out when you don’t close the gates
What else is gonna make you prematurely show your age
What else will take a run at you in a fit of bovine rage
May you always have cows around

You’d barely get to see your banker otherwise
You’d never get to fix no fence or buy no barbed wires
Nor have some mangy neighbor’s bull come breed the heifers that you prize
May you always have cows around

Everything is better with some cows around
Living in town sometimes brings me down
Let me bestow this western blessing and leave you saddle bound
May you always have cows around

What kinda cows?
Well, there’s Hereford, Highland, Simmental, Welsh Black and Maine Anjou
Chianina, Limousin, Shorthorn, Charolais, Watusi, too
Texas Longhorn, Corriente, Romagnola, Galloway
And Angus, Brahma, Brangus, Jersey, Guernsey, Holstein, hey

You mighta had to let em dig for oil and gas
You mighta had to turn the place into an exotic game ranch
You mighta had to do all kinds of things to raise the cash
So you’d always have cows around

How else you gonna lose it all like daddy did
What else will make sure you leave nothin’ for your kids?
It’s too late now, you know it is, you’d just as well admit
You have a badly flawed and sentimental masochistic-ness
And that despite all the statistics and the advice that you get
You will always have cows around

Everything is better with some cows around
Living in town sometimes brings me down
You won’t know what you’re missing till you hear that sound
May you always have cows around

(You Ain’t A Cowboy) If You Ain’t Been Bucked Off

I was mindin’ my business and holdin’ the fort
And I still remember how you sallied forth
And my mind, it was busy, warnin’ my heart
But, hell, you ain’t a cowboy if you ain’t been bucked off

The story’s familiar, the oldest tale in the west
I fell into love then the bird left the nest
Well I guess that there’s reasons we let our hard hearts go soft
And you ain’t a cowboy if you ain’t been bucked off

There’s all kinds of horses will leave you grabbin’ the breeze
Busted up and broken up with scars you can’t see
But if you ain’t been bucked off and been throwed a few times
It don’t count for nothin’ when you make that last ride

Well the years have passed quickly and ain’t nothin’s the same
Only I don’t feel different and you’ve hardly changed
Well I guess what I’m sayin’ is I’ll give one last nod
‘Cause you ain’t a cowboy if you ain’t been bucked off

Drink It Like You Mean It

If you’re gonna take that chair and if you’re gonna be sittin’ there
If you’re gonna stay and keep me company
I ain’t gonna brook no doubt, we ain’t gonna fool about
You gotta drink it like you mean it here with me

Drink it like you mean it, like the serious people do
If you’re down and broken hearted and you’ve got good reason to
Drink it like you mean it to the bottom of the glass
With resolve and strong intention, drink it right down to the last

We ain’t gonna nurse nor sip, we’re gonna get some past our lips
There ain’t gonna be no trace of irony
We ain’t gonna nudge nor wink, nor smirk nor smile nor blink
You gotta drink it like you mean it here with me

It ain’t no holiday’s eve, it ain’t the end part of the week
Tonight ain’t nothin’ special as far as I can see
The amateurs have all gone home, it’s just us those of us here alone
You gotta drink it like you mean it here with me

Priceless Antique Pistol Shoots Startled Owner

Inspect the silver inlay and the finely engraved steel
Rich carved ivory grips with checkered lines that you can feel
You’ll find it premature to call the calibre obsolete
When olden tyme design and modern treacherous-ness meet

A curio that’s slipped between our current laws, as read
Priceless as an artifact but leaves you just as dead
Craftsmanship like this is not displayed much anymore
And there ain’t too many gangstas shooting Russian .44

To think a learned chronicler like you would be the one
Whose eye for detail failed to see him dusting off your gun
You must be the first in ninety years to meet his death
By way of antique archaic black powder pistol’s breath

Despite your recent injuries you must admit that still
It remains an elegant and stylish way to kill
Yes despite my injuries, good sir, I cannot lie
It remains an elegant and stylish and way to die

The Gothest Girl I Can

I’m gonna get the gothest girl I can
With the pale white rockabilly tan
You know the kind, the ones you find
In the country metal punk rock band

She might be into hot rod cars
Or leather fetish bondage bars
She’s dirty, pretty, the hippest in the city
She’s the gothest girl I can

The gothest girl I can, the gothest girl I can
The gothest girl I, the gothest girl I, the gothest girl I can
I’m gonna lose these country blues
With the gothest girl I can

I’m gonna get the gothest girl I can
Black lips and Bettie Page bangs
Horn rimmed glasses and an ass that’ll pass
For a glimpse at the promised land

She’s kinda into all things noir
Wants me to get a pompadour
Well, maybe baby, but she ain’t no lady
She’s the gothest girl I can

I live right, I live good like a nice boy should
I put my trust in our Lord’s plan
I live right, I live just like a young boy must
Like I should, but I tell ya, man
Somethin’s gotta give ‘cause the right way to live
Isn’t hittin’ it, you understand
I need a wild, wild lover, the kind that scares your mother
I need the gothest girl i can

Thrift store vampire chic
It’s night every day of the week
Stop, stare, dead flowers in her hair
She’s the gothest girl I can

She got old skool blue tattoos
And big black boots on, too
Polka dot dress and flames on her chest
She’s the gothest girl I can

It’s kinda hot when she calls me ‘doll’
And ‘daddy’ at the swing dance ball
She’s neat, nifty like nineteen fifty
She’s the gothest girl I can

One Left In The Chamber

There’s the one I left unfinished, there’s the one I can’t explain
There’s the one in Colorado, the one I wish I had again
There’s the one I broke too easy, there’s the one I couldn’t break
There’s the one I took too much of, there’s all the shit I couldn’t take
There’s the one I ended up in, the one that ended all too soon
And the one left in the chamber oughta do

There’s the one that was a long shot, there’s the one that didn’t pay
There’s the one that kept me waiting till it cost too much to play
There’s the one that kept me guessing, the one whose name I just can’t say
There’s the one I couldn’t lose and then I lost it anyway
There’s the one that should be over now, the one that should be through
And the one left in the chamber oughta do

There’s the one that wouldn’t listen, there’s the one I couldn’t hear
There’s the one I took for granted, the one that up and disappeared
There’s the one I think I learned from, the one I taught what not to do
There’s the one I had to weather whether not I wanted to
There’s the one I should’ve walked away from and come right to you
And the one left in the chamber oughta do
There’s the one I should’ve walked away from and crawled right back to you
And the one left in the chamber oughta do
The one left in the chamber oughta do

Pour ‘Em Kinda Strong

Bartender, I know you’re a reasonable man
Looks like you got the run of this place
Set me up a round so’s that I can see your hands
And wipe the goddamned smile off of your face
I’m sure you must have heard of me, I’m lightning with my Smith
And my reputation burns all through the west
So if you know what is good for you, shut up and get the whiskey
And not that trade stuff, I want nothin’ but your best

And pour ‘em kinda strong ‘cause I won’t be here long
You best not do me wrong, just pour ‘em kinda strong

I ain’t got time to savour ‘em, I gotta drink ‘em quick
I’ve conveyed my urgency, I hope
If they catch me it’s all over, I’ll be way on up the creek
And I’ll be swingin’ on the wrong end of a rope
The posse’s been behind me now for six or seven days
Only two hours back and chewin’ on my dust
I got a powerful thirst I come in here to try to slake
So serve it up or draw down if you must

Well I wasn’t really watchin’ you, my eyes was on the door
Imagine my surprise to hear the cock
Of that .32 that left me here to bleed out on your floor
I’m too far gone to bother with the doc
Well I wasn’t really watchin’ you, my eyes was to the east
You know, to dull the pain I could use one more
You surely won’t deny a man a dyin’ drink at least
I’m awful embarrassed at how I spoke to you before

So pour ‘em kinda strong ‘cause I won’t be here long
Mister, please don’t do me wrong, just pour ‘em kinda strong

You surely won’t deny a dyin’ man a drink at least
I’m awful embarrassed at how I spoke to you before